To all who choose to read my blog, : )
There is something I so wish to share with you all, which for me is so
important and true, that I feel compelled to find a way to express it to another and to know I have actually been "heard" so that they have the option to share my joy if they so wish.
I want to share with you now what's in my heart and reveal my insights..
I feel my feelings are important and could also help to benefit the lives of others.
So in order that you may know me better and understand me, I would like to share my life and inner self that has lead me to know my truth...
I was born March 5th 1967, in Bristol, UK.
One morning at a very early age around 11 months or so, my Dad had just gone off to work and I stood up on my own two feet and walked around for a whole day, both my Mum and Gran were witnesses to this. Just before my Dad returned home I sat back down and didn't get up for two years, Apparently I shuffled around everywhere on my bottom.
I also didn't speak or make a sound until I was 5 years old when I began school. My parents said I was very chatty at home but only if I was around my Mum, Dad, Gran and Sister (my Gran lived with us) All the other members of the family were very concerned and didn't believe my parents when they said I could speak. I was very very shy around others and remember always hiding behind the curtain when anyone came to visit.. Thinking back to this time, I felt I didn't trust other people but I had no reason to feel that way yet a voice inside wanted me to stay hidden from the outside world.
School was horrible! I kept running away at first but Mum kept sending me back.. When I started to learn to write the teachers couldn't understand why I was writing funny, they called Mum in, I was mirror writing, writing backwards.
I was left handed so I was just following everyone else and writing away from myself like right handed people do. I found it extremely difficult to write, I kept getting the letters round the wrong way, It did my head in literally.
Being left handed in a right handed world has been a struggle. I remember a time when I so wanted to help out at home, One day I asked if I could help with ironing, So Mum turned the ironing board round for me and I started ironing, my Mum was on tender hooks, and why wouldn't she be!? I was being taught how to write properly at school writing towards myself so of course that what I was doing with the iron. The same applied to the tin opener! Mum was so scared I would hurt myself, I didn't help out anymore and I didn't like to ask because of the anxiety I felt from her..
All my family are right handed so I've had no left handed role models and none of my friends were either. (will be continued)
Sept 2006..
I found out that I have Aspergers Syndrome, a type of autism which means I read and hear things in a very direct and literal way.
When I am in a one to one conversation I find it's extremely difficult for me to follow what the other person is trying to say if they are speaking in the second or third person, generally or colloquially.
In group converstations to a lot people, I appear to be a bit slow on the uptake, but what I am actually doing is trying to translate what they are saying. By which time they have verbally moved on and I can't keep up.
But I can assure I'm all there : )
I have always disliked labels as I feel through my observations people without labels are very quick to judge those who have them, so I don't choose to tell people unless I feel its relevant. Since finding out that I have Aspergers Syndrome it has completely changed my view on life in fact it has completely turned my life around.
After finding out I began to fit all the pieces of my jigsaw/Life together.
I believe that having Aspergers Syndrome could be a gift of perception that has
kept my view of the world as direct and clear as a child's."
All the questions I have ever asked myself regarding my behaviour, I have finally found answers for.
In my 39 years of not knowing, there was only one person in my life who I turned to when I looking for answers and that was Jesus. I kept everything bottled up because every time I tried to talk to someone, nobody seemed interested in what I had to say or had the patience with me. I always tried so hard to fit in and to please other people but I never could..
I was always being told what to do by others and I was always being told I was never good enough. There is one saying that I found myself constantly repeating to myself that I had learned from other people's behaviours, and that was:
"DO AS I SAY, not do as I do"
Why do people like being told what to do?? Fear of confrontation?
10 years ago I had enough.. Why try and be a sheep when I am clearly a shepherd?
So I stopped trying to please people and just pleased myself instead, not in a malicious way but in a way where I was in complete control of all my Life decisions and wasn't hurting anybody.
In Sept 2006, I made a big decision. To create a world where I would not feel lonely anymore..
Having no one in the physical to share my thoughts with was a very lonely existence, especially when I lacked communication skills. I wanted to find a way to express myself verbally and be understood. So I asked Jesus to guide me. It was with his help and constantly reading the bible for reference that brought me to my next step. I was given inspiration by God that the way through this was by talking to people and opening up to close friends and family and I found that the more people I talked and shared with, the more words I was learning, the more words I learn, the more I was able to write and the more I was able to express myself verbally and be understood.
I feel Jesus was a very lonely man and he saw the same loneliness in everyone he met. I feel that Jesus recognized that the answer lay within, in the soul and because of this he was able to knowingly choose a way to consciously create a new world, inspired by God, in order to offer an end to fear and loneliness and to help people be aware and share their feelings so
that they would know, they too had the ability to create their own inner fulfillment and end the illusion of being separate from each other ..
I feel that this was his purpose and that's what I feel was the message he was trying project..
Jesus was so full to the brim with love and compassion that every person he came into contact with, he wanted to heal them of their loneliness.. Jesus could identify himself in every single person he met and by healing others he knew he was healing himself in the process.
My question is..
Why are feelings never really taken into consideration?
Take the question.. "How are you?"
Every time I am asked that question, nobody really seems that interested in my answer.. in fact most times I am cut short when answering.
Now I just say I'm fine and and return the question.
Why are we not allowed to mention the sixth sense? To Feel?
Many people relate it ONLY to the paranormal..
But the ability to feel is the one thing we all have in common.
Thank you, I appreciate your time in reading this...
Much Love
xKatyx : )
There is something I so wish to share with you all, which for me is so
important and true, that I feel compelled to find a way to express it to another and to know I have actually been "heard" so that they have the option to share my joy if they so wish.
I want to share with you now what's in my heart and reveal my insights..
I feel my feelings are important and could also help to benefit the lives of others.
So in order that you may know me better and understand me, I would like to share my life and inner self that has lead me to know my truth...
I was born March 5th 1967, in Bristol, UK.
One morning at a very early age around 11 months or so, my Dad had just gone off to work and I stood up on my own two feet and walked around for a whole day, both my Mum and Gran were witnesses to this. Just before my Dad returned home I sat back down and didn't get up for two years, Apparently I shuffled around everywhere on my bottom.
I also didn't speak or make a sound until I was 5 years old when I began school. My parents said I was very chatty at home but only if I was around my Mum, Dad, Gran and Sister (my Gran lived with us) All the other members of the family were very concerned and didn't believe my parents when they said I could speak. I was very very shy around others and remember always hiding behind the curtain when anyone came to visit.. Thinking back to this time, I felt I didn't trust other people but I had no reason to feel that way yet a voice inside wanted me to stay hidden from the outside world.
School was horrible! I kept running away at first but Mum kept sending me back.. When I started to learn to write the teachers couldn't understand why I was writing funny, they called Mum in, I was mirror writing, writing backwards.
I was left handed so I was just following everyone else and writing away from myself like right handed people do. I found it extremely difficult to write, I kept getting the letters round the wrong way, It did my head in literally.
Being left handed in a right handed world has been a struggle. I remember a time when I so wanted to help out at home, One day I asked if I could help with ironing, So Mum turned the ironing board round for me and I started ironing, my Mum was on tender hooks, and why wouldn't she be!? I was being taught how to write properly at school writing towards myself so of course that what I was doing with the iron. The same applied to the tin opener! Mum was so scared I would hurt myself, I didn't help out anymore and I didn't like to ask because of the anxiety I felt from her..
All my family are right handed so I've had no left handed role models and none of my friends were either. (will be continued)
Sept 2006..
I found out that I have Aspergers Syndrome, a type of autism which means I read and hear things in a very direct and literal way.
When I am in a one to one conversation I find it's extremely difficult for me to follow what the other person is trying to say if they are speaking in the second or third person, generally or colloquially.
In group converstations to a lot people, I appear to be a bit slow on the uptake, but what I am actually doing is trying to translate what they are saying. By which time they have verbally moved on and I can't keep up.
But I can assure I'm all there : )
I have always disliked labels as I feel through my observations people without labels are very quick to judge those who have them, so I don't choose to tell people unless I feel its relevant. Since finding out that I have Aspergers Syndrome it has completely changed my view on life in fact it has completely turned my life around.
After finding out I began to fit all the pieces of my jigsaw/Life together.
I believe that having Aspergers Syndrome could be a gift of perception that has
kept my view of the world as direct and clear as a child's."
All the questions I have ever asked myself regarding my behaviour, I have finally found answers for.
In my 39 years of not knowing, there was only one person in my life who I turned to when I looking for answers and that was Jesus. I kept everything bottled up because every time I tried to talk to someone, nobody seemed interested in what I had to say or had the patience with me. I always tried so hard to fit in and to please other people but I never could..
I was always being told what to do by others and I was always being told I was never good enough. There is one saying that I found myself constantly repeating to myself that I had learned from other people's behaviours, and that was:
"DO AS I SAY, not do as I do"
Why do people like being told what to do?? Fear of confrontation?
10 years ago I had enough.. Why try and be a sheep when I am clearly a shepherd?
So I stopped trying to please people and just pleased myself instead, not in a malicious way but in a way where I was in complete control of all my Life decisions and wasn't hurting anybody.
In Sept 2006, I made a big decision. To create a world where I would not feel lonely anymore..
Having no one in the physical to share my thoughts with was a very lonely existence, especially when I lacked communication skills. I wanted to find a way to express myself verbally and be understood. So I asked Jesus to guide me. It was with his help and constantly reading the bible for reference that brought me to my next step. I was given inspiration by God that the way through this was by talking to people and opening up to close friends and family and I found that the more people I talked and shared with, the more words I was learning, the more words I learn, the more I was able to write and the more I was able to express myself verbally and be understood.
I feel Jesus was a very lonely man and he saw the same loneliness in everyone he met. I feel that Jesus recognized that the answer lay within, in the soul and because of this he was able to knowingly choose a way to consciously create a new world, inspired by God, in order to offer an end to fear and loneliness and to help people be aware and share their feelings so
that they would know, they too had the ability to create their own inner fulfillment and end the illusion of being separate from each other ..
I feel that this was his purpose and that's what I feel was the message he was trying project..
Jesus was so full to the brim with love and compassion that every person he came into contact with, he wanted to heal them of their loneliness.. Jesus could identify himself in every single person he met and by healing others he knew he was healing himself in the process.
My question is..
Why are feelings never really taken into consideration?
Take the question.. "How are you?"
Every time I am asked that question, nobody really seems that interested in my answer.. in fact most times I am cut short when answering.
Now I just say I'm fine and and return the question.
Why are we not allowed to mention the sixth sense? To Feel?
Many people relate it ONLY to the paranormal..
But the ability to feel is the one thing we all have in common.
Thank you, I appreciate your time in reading this...
Much Love
xKatyx : )
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